Do you remember that day I took pictures of you to put on my phone and asked you to move so the light was better?
The light was fine. I just wanted to take a picture of you without one of her in the background. I noticed that when you met my friends, you would almost immediately talk about your loss.
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You would refer to her as "my wife", not my "late wife" and unconsciously fiddle with her ring. Then you put a photo of your wedding by the front door. What an announcement to all-comers. The two tiny pictures of me you put on the cork boards downstairs could no longer compensate for the presence of Rebecca around the house.
Dating a widower support group
One night when I couldn't sleep I found myself counting them, and had to stop at 22, thinking I must be going mad. Then I did an internet search and found I was far from alone.
We even have a moniker. Time, loving compassion and the will to make it work can heal and sort out the practicalities like pictures and mementoes. Sadly, you didn't give it that.
It would just be nice to talk to others who are with widows and widowers, and what they do to support their SO, and how they handle sharing their heart with someone. Anyone know of something? I think a link in the sidebar would be a good idea - as well as a good idea for many people in this sub to visit it if they want to move on in a healthy way with somebody new.
Just in what little is there, there is some powerful information for widowers to know. While there is a perfectly acceptable time for our loss to be 'about us', when we choose to move on, that time needs to in large part end for the health of our relationships with others. Yeah, what I've been reading has been very helpful!
I don't want to overstep by saying this, but as someone who is dating someone who has lost, I can say I do feel there is a need for a transition eventually. I am okay waiting and being patient if I know that he is trying to eventually get there. It's hard if he has made up in his mind that she will forever be number one, and that's the end of that. I can't imagine dating anyone.
Maybe that changes after a while I didn't find the love of my life until I was We only had 8 years together. But I have no desire to date anyone, either. No one could possibly measure up, and I'm not good at faking it.
A letter to a widower I fell in love with | Life and style | The Guardian
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